Sunday, January 30, 2011

One Month, Twelve Lives...

Aaaaaaaand... we're back. Sometimes so much happens in a short amount of time (see also, Genesis) that a meaningful response is elusive. It's as if one's senses are hung--like Windows '98--or that the act of carrying on from day to day freezes us out of the immediate, and into a State of Shock.


And thus it was with BlaiserBlog, its winter voice lost in an 18" snow drift. However, as we drew the weathered curtains on this first month of 2011, we seized upon that last bit of January light, and salvaged a raison d'être: paying tribute to some Great Americans who recently shuffled off to Buffalo their mortal coil.

Contrary to the grand tradition of awards shows (teary montages that invariably make one think, Oh that's right....I forgot he died this year... huh.....where'd that bowl of Doritos® go?) the crack team of researches here at BB present some dearly departed folks whose singular contribution to American life may have passed unnoticed on your radar, and about whom we will now sing. (For an aural companion, please press Play (below) for the thoughtful strains of legendary cellist Jacqueline du Pré, and then read at your leisure: All Great Americans will be honored in order of disappearance.)



December


Frank S. Emi (above, left), a grocer and one of over 100,00 Japanese-Americans herded into prison camps during the Second World War. Not one of our finer moments. This brother, however, left the comforts of his home and went quietly to Wyoming to the ironically named Heart Mountain facility, which defaulted into the largest "city" in the entire state during the war years. (School yourself here.) Mr. Emi would have patiently waited things out, had the government not decided to conscript the prisoners into fighting for Democratic ideals conveniently forgotten during their mass relocation. For his courageous stand and organizing efforts--one of six, out of the Heart Mountain population of 11,000 who stood up and said No--he was rewarded with a conviction on federal conspiracy charges. An appellate court restored sanity by overturnng the decision, but not before he spent 18 months in the Leavenworth Pen. President Truman pardoned some 300 of the internee resisters in a silent apology, but my research indicates Mr. Emi didn't make that list. Many years later, his patriotism was finally recognized by a group of Japanese-Americans veterans, shoring up a critical brick in the American foundation: There is more than one way to fight for American liberty. Although he lost his family business during "relocation," he became a postal worker and enjoyed a long life, dying at 94 with a family that included two daughters, one stepdaughter, nine grandchildren and four great-granchildren. May we all be so lucky.
 
November


Allan R. Sandage, 84, the scientific heir apparent to Edwin Hubble, who acheived susperstar status amongst, um, telescope guys. Most notably, he broke with the findings of his mentor, arriving at the hypothesis that the actual age of this universe is 15 billion years old, not 13 million. This can only be good, because I'm certain we're going to need the extra time to figure out a bunch of life's ineffable questions, the first of which is: Why are there so damn many spellings of Allan...?

October

Here's to you, Mr. We-evolved-from-space-alien-gods-who-hail-from-a-12th-planet-called-Nibiru-and-who-crossed-the-solar-system-in-B-movie-styled-rocketships-to-enslave-proto-hominids-and-mine-terrestrial-precious-metals. It's a long name, I know--you may choose to call him Zecharia Sitchin--but it's apt for a fellow with a long tale. You can debate whether his methods are sound science or insane fantasy, but you can't really argue with his book sales: His first treatise, The Twelfth Planet, is enjoying its 45th printing, and that's just here on Earth. Story goes, in the mid-Pleistocene Epoch, some really tall dudes on a 3600-year orbit swung by to plunder our gold and stayed for 447,450 years. In exchange, they created us. (Thanks, for that!) One can only imagine why they ran screaming from the place, around 550 BC, but it was probably man's unique talent to take the beautiful and simple, and twist it into the ridiculous and complicated. The births of both Confucious and the Buddha suspiciously coincide at this time, for example. And, it's not hard to imagine extraterrestrial exasperation getting the better of them after1500 years of the Babylonians counting their mutton in Base 60. ("We give you the gift of life through interstellar DNA and the best number system you can come up with is this shit?")

Mr. Sitchin rode the strength of his convictions to age 90, and delighted millions of readers along the way. On the subject of his life's work, a top Amazon reviewer gushes, "Ultra important...even if 50% of it is wrong..." May the same be said of all of us.

September

For 50 years, the brilliant Paul Conrad (1924–2010), dean of editorial cartooning, cracked up his colleagues, pissed off politicians, and shrugged off death threats in service of drawing our national conscience. He was Pulitzer-ed three times during a tenacious career, and singled out for top honors in the foreign press as well. In 2006,  PBS's critically acclaimed series, Independent Lens, documented his life. If you Netflix it, I'll warrant you'll not be disappointed.


Self-describing his work as "90% idea and 10% drawing," was a modest assessment. Indeed, he was an accomplished sculptor as well; bronze was his medium. I like bronze but I don't think I realized why until just now: it's the working man's precious metal--a substance of honesty and integrity. Gold (despite its attraction to space aliens) is soft. Silver is for show. You want to craft a no-nonsense truth that refuses to hide behind a glittery facade? Go with bronze.

Reagan Hood --- He steals from the poor.....

Thank you, Mr. Conrad, for helping to keep it Real, in often unreal circumstances.

August

Let's face it: most of us are horribly underread. So was this guy by all accounts--but in his case, it wasn't that he hadn't read a lot; rather not enough people have read him. My Lebanese–American brother Vance Bourjaily slipped on to the next life having made it to 87, leaving an enviable trail of literary breadcrumbs, and here I sit, a man of some letters (B through perhaps I?) and I learn of the guy posthumously. From Wikipedia.... one could weep.

Turns out, he was a bon vivant who did it all: rubbed shoulders with Mailer and moviestars; taught at the celebrated Iowa Writer's Workshop for 20 years and directed the first writing MFA program at Louisiana State;  wrote features in 'Frisco and threw the best literary parties in New York. And lots of other writing and editing, including reviews, essays, short stories. And don't forget the novels, too--seven of 'em. His Big Book was his first, apparently. It's The End of My Life, published in 1947. I'm budging it to the top of my Library queue (sorry Roger Angell... I'll get to you, I swear it)

July

Dan Schorr makes me think of my grandpa, who passed away in 1989. He was a journalist as well, and he was born the same year as this giant of American reporting. I knew Schorr's work primarily from NPR, but the gentleman from the Bronx had long ago dug the trenches from which other reporters made their bones.(And mixed their metaphors...) For starters, he interviewed Khrushchev before my mother was even out of middle school. He also gave President Nixon enough grief to make it on the infamous List of Enemies, which he discovered when he read the list on live television. That must have been one hell of a moment. On the radio, his voice--liquid and wavy like his elderly-gent face--carried the kind of measured gravitas that said "I'm telling you the way it is because I have nothing to lose and I've seen it all." And consider this: Any newsman who also sang Gershwin with Zappa and stared down Congress, refusing to name names, is a fella I'd want on my side. And I think he was. Dan Schorr was 93, and lived a great American life.

June

Bob Greene, Sr., the oldest Makah World War II veteran, passed on at the age of 92. Who are the Makah you may ask? Well, they're the Qwiqwidicciat, of course, a marine-loving people of the Olympic peninsula, and no, that's not the one in Greece... Bob Greene was, by all accounts, a great guy. Until they banned it, he'd sit in the gym stands of his grandkids' high school and whale away on a cowbell to whoop up the crowd. A logger by trade, he was also known as a boxing champion, a one-man aluminum-can recycling tour-de-force and the keeper of his tribe's oral traditions as the oldest speaker of the Makah tongue. Let us remember him and give consideration to his people.



May

Dustin Shuler liked to crack jokes
and frequently did, with his sculpture. His best-known work was Spindle (above), an installation in the parking lot of an Illinois strip mall. (The cars, in order of skewerage, are here.) You may remember this Midwest icon from the "Wayne's World" movie, or, if you happen to be a reader of the comic Zippy the Pinhead. Sadly, the pinheads in Berwyn finally decided to knock Spindle down, and that must have been a poor day for Mr. Shuler. Happily, much of his work survives, a legacy kept safe from the caprice of municipal bureaucracy. Good thing, too.

April


Carolyn Rodgers' work brought poetrics to the Black Power movement. She also helped found the Third World Press, perhaps the most important publisher of Black writing, and wrote poems rooted first, in angry liberation and later, evolving spirituality. And, she apparently had no problem holding a room: Fellow poet and publisher Haki Madhubuti said, "“When she read, people would sit up and take notice. Men gravitated toward her like she was a Corvette.” She taught in many universities, from her native Chicago to Indiana and Washington state and wrote widely on Black American life for many publications. Here's an early poem, written in response to (largely) male critics made skittish by her "unfeminine" voice:

they say,
that i should not use the word
muthafucka anymo
in my poetry or in any speech i give.
they say,
that i must and can only say it to myself
as the new Black Womanhood suggests
a softer self
a more reserved speaking self. they say,
that respect is hard won by a woman
who throws a word like muthafucka around
and so they say because we love you
throw that word away, Black Woman ...
i say,
that i only call muthafuckas, muthafuckas
so no one should be insulted.

Had Ms. Rodgers lived past 69, this self-described "little black slim ink pen" would have certainly continued her dance of mighty calligraphy across the pages of American literature.

March

From 1952 to 1986, Eugene Allen never missed a day on the job and worked his way up from a dish washer to Maitre D'. His employer? The U.S. federal government. His patrons? Eight administrations of presidents, their famililes, their thousands of guests at state dinners and official White House functions. Mr. Allen always put his work first, even respectfully turning down an invitation to JFK's funeral so that he could be on hand to feed the First Family upon their return home. In 34 years on the job, however, he only saw one black man granted passage through the highest peaks of the executive branch: Colin Powell, who was appointed National Security Advisor during the twilight of the Reagan presidency. More than 20 years after his retirement, his story became a national sensation on the heels of Barack Obama's ascendency to the Oval Office. Nonplussed at the media clamor at his front door, he said No to numerous offers, declining to cash in on the advent of a black president. The following January, he was a special guest of honor at the inauguration. I cannot fathom what that day meant to Mr. Allen, as a U.S. Marine escorted him to the VIP seating, but I do know it was one of the greatest days I've seen as an American. Also, that careers such as his, those of longevity, integrity and humility ought to be required study in our schools and universities. Eugene Allen was 90.

February


T-Bone Wolk, who lived and died on four strings, was not only a bassist's bassist but a bandmate's bandmate. If you listened to any radio at all in the 80s, you heard him making everyone around him better. If you were ever mesmerized by G. E. Smith's camera mugging, when SNL returned from commercial break, chances are T-Bone was backing him up. If you've listened to songs by Billy Joel, Carly Simon, Roseanne Cash, Elvis Costello, and especially Hall & Oates, you heard T-Bone. Allegedly referred to by his good friend Daryl as "the ampersand in Hall & Oates," T-Bone was universally loved and respected, and his death at 58 sent shockwaves through pop-music afficiandos of a certain age. In a joint statement released after his passing, Hall said, "T-Bone was one of the most sensitive and good human beings that I have ever known," while Oates added, "His musical sensibility was peerless..." and that Wolk had led other bandmembers by example, evolving organically into the group's musical director. T-Bone showed people how to play, and how to live, from late period Philly soul right up to his death, appearing regularly in the popular Web series, "Live From Daryl's House," shot monthly in Hall's home studio. They gave ol' T-Bone a memorial show, and you can check it out here.

January


This brother also played four-stringed soul in Philadelphia--on the cello--but started just a little earlier than T-Bone. In 1924, Orlando Cole walked through the doors of the Curtis Institute just as soon as they would swing open. Ten years later, his training finished, he toured the world with the Curtis String Quartet. Despite an artistic tiff between the Institute and the Quartet--birthing their own damn program, the New School of Music--Cole logged over 75 years of teaching at Curtis, and, given the chance, would have done it all over again. Don't know about you, readers, but for me, the cello is the human heart built in maple, gut, horsehair. Its origins date to the 1500s and the best players today are stewards of instruments over 300 years old. It doesn't matter how long Steve Jobs cracks the whip in California... there ain't never gonna be an iCello that stacks up against a Strad.

And so it's fitting at the end of this do-decal homage to Americans Past, that we offer the great "Landy" Cole, who died in his 102 year, listening to Schubert's Cello Quintet and surrounded by some of the many who loved him. Here's a lovely tribute, written by one of his hundreds of students. 

That's all, folks. Thanks for reading, and I hope this one was worth the wait. I had fun discovering these righteous humans, and bringing a little bit of their lives to you. See you in Feb. It's only got 28 days, I hear.

Friday, December 31, 2010

A Year-End Poem

2010, a year in decline.
We took it as it came to us,
warm and snuggly, hot and humid, painful, cold, tense.
Sometimes the snow piled up, and so we borrowed
a neighbor’s shovel and dug out, or tweaked
our anxiety, played dominoes by the fire.
It calmed us down and we took the pulse of our pills.

In the late winter, bright candles with a six-month wick, borrowed light. How apt!
The flickering shadows of millennial dances.
We stretch, listen to traffic syncopation and bundle the Sunday funnies;
the twine runs across our tendons and we are cellos singing for a lost cantata.

In Spring, everything is a question.
Who can deny the pleasure of a budding bush?
The unfortunate mud somehow still surprises, supercedes last year’s cloudy      watermark.
(Scrubbing the walls can only get one so far.)
Could it be best to co-exist with the mouldy little buggers? Can we even try?

In the summer, both births and deaths, equal under azure drama.
The toddler balances the gin, while the bicycle blows out the cobwebs--poor spiders.
An expert web is temporary. Especially so, in July,
when an extra ten minutes burns your palm into my forearm.
Which I didn’t need! Long-sleeves next time.

Thank god for a damp forest floor, though, reliable and mossy.
Without it, soup means nothing.
And what’s a world without soup?
Damn bleak.
But not October, the rising hunter, the bright veins.
And the squash, jester of a fallen garden.

Interstitial solstice, I’m so happy you're back.
With longer days, my path ought to be better lit.
So go on and show me chestnuts and a horse’s mandible.
Haven’t you heard? The Neanderthal’s among us, dormant,
waxing his sled, watching the same snowfall that we are.

Monday, December 13, 2010

An Open Letter To Derek Jeter

"It was not an enjoyable experience."

Derek Jeter, expressing anger that his contract talks became public and contentious before he re-signed with the Yankees.

--New York Times, Sunday, December 12, 2010


Dear Derek:

I've never liked the Yankees, but like a lot of baseball fans, I was always impressed by how you handled yourself on and off the field. We've watched you grow into one of the game's celebrated good guys; we delight in your glamorous New York lifestyle; we love that you're the anti-A-Rod--always more concerned with the team than with yourself. I think you may have lost your way a little, though, given how unhappy you apparently are about your recent contract negotiations--cutting your pay from over $22 million this year to around $16 million for the next three years--and the public way in which you were economically humbled. Reality bites, doesn't it? You didn't find it "enjoyable."

But think of how "an enjoyable experience" might be defined by most of your fellow humans. The average ones, of course; I'm asking you to think beyond the cashiers' booths of the new Yankee Stadium, which more than doubled your organization's gross ticket revenue alone to $397 million in 2009 compared to $157 million just four years prior, back when you made a little over $19.5 million. To play a game. Which must have been an "enjoyable experience."

I know, I know--those fans are coming to see You; don't You deserve your fair share of the pie? In fairness--and one would hope this is all about fairness--$16 million doesn't buy what it used to, anymore. Take your agent's commission, and Uncle Sam's share (Don't forget to include President Obama and every Republican of the current and incoming Congress on your holiday-card list, for preserving the Bush-era tax cuts for the rich), and we're down to a conservative estimate of perhaps $8 to $10 million. To play a game. I sometimes play games in my free time. Usually for enjoyment. A shocking amount people on the planet, it turns out, cannot afford that luxury.

So let's look at world wealth, and the relative comfort it affords. In 2007, for example (you may recall enjoying this year to the tune of $21.6 million), the Boston Globe reported an average income, worldwide, of $7,000. If the relative worth of this figure escapes you, I'll convert it toYankees tickets--which an average human could afford to purchase159 times in 2007, at an average cost of $44.10. This is all hypothetical, of course--we can't spend all our money on Yankees tickets--we have to feed ourselves and our families, keep ourselves sheltered from the elements. (I happen to live in a small apartment in suburban New Jersey, for example, and you have a 31,000 sq.-ft. home in Tampa. I can empathize with the hassles a home that size must present. Not an enjoyable experience, I"m sure.)

But for the sake of this exercise, let's express the average global income in 2007 as 159 Yankees tickets. (You made 489,796.) It's actually a misleading figure, given the vast disproportion of world weath distribution. You might not know this, but nearly 80% of humanity live in countries where the average income doesn't even make it up to the enjoyable experience of 159 Yankees tickets. No, the world median income was actually far lower: $1,700 in 2005, for example--far fewer Yankees tickets--and that was a boom year, well before the current financial morass that has our economy in a squeeze play.

In fact, most of the world, Derek, faces challenges that you and I can't imagine. Most of the world is poor. I find that enormously humbling, and even though my 2011 income will likely amount to less than half a percent of your baseball salary, I'll still feel rich and thankful. If the process that's elevated you to the planet's obscenely rich--while playing a game--is no longer "an enjoyable experience," then I suggest you remove your head from whatever is temporarily obscuring your vision, and have a look around.

Here's another human, about your age, whose story was picked up by a number of news agencies recently, just as yours was.

The United Nations reports that "Every day Ster Mamboza, 37, covers 19 km on a bicycle over sand and gravel roads to the well at Machaze, in the southern Mozambican province of Manica, carrying two 20-litre plastic water containers and a two-month-old baby. It’s quite a balancing act. The better part of her day--up to six hours--is spent fetching water from this well, the nearest safe source in the area. government figures show that in rural Mozambique only 30 percent have access to safe water."

For Ster Mamboza, "an enjoyable experience," might take place on a day where someone actually brings water to her. Just water. It might make the "enjoyable experience" of raising her child in the developing world--in which some 1.8 million kids die annually from diarrhea alone--a little more bearable.

Now, I'm not trying to make you feel bad for all of world poverty, Derek. You are no stranger to philanthropy--your charitable foundation has reportedly raised over $11 million for kids' programs in the U.S. that emphasize healthy living and staying off drugs and alcohol, which is indeed laudable. Eleven million is more money than I'll probably make in my lifetime. It's roughly 5% of your career baseball earnings ($205,430,000 million as of 2010, second only to A-Rod's $264,416,252 million). That doesn't include your 15 endorsement deals, however, which adds a reported $8.5 million to your bottom line each year, but let's just stick with baseball money, as you play the game of baseball, which most Americans would imagine is an enjoyable experience.

As a stagehand, I'll make about $50,000 this year, and to keep parity with your [baseball] example, I'll have to give away $2,500, which is my goal, after paying nearly $16,000 for rent, roughly $6500 for food, $5000 on my kid, putting another $4000 away for his education, about $2000 for transportation, $2000 to my union, and the rest to insurance, utilities, baubles and taxes. I won't be buying any Yankees tickets though. Your new stadium--built at a cost of $220 million to the City and its taxpayers--strikes me as an unabashed monument to money. I love the game, but I don't love an insatiable pursuit of profit, which is the fence for which modern baseball swings. And contributing to that is not an enjoyable experience.

So the next time you step to the plate, chasing the 3,000th hit that will make you an even more elite Yankee--or the next time you're flushing one of the 9 toilets in your home in Tampa--think about Ster Mombozo fetching water via bicycle, and how fate has consigned her to extreme hardship with the same arbitrary stroke that blessed you (and me) with talent and opportunity. And if you still can't find it all "an enjoyable experience," the classy move is to keep it to yourself.


Sources:

http://nyphilanthropist.com/philanthropists-individuals-derek-jeter.htm

http://www.boston.com/news/world/articles/2007/10/07/average_earnings_worldwide/
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2008/05/17/2008-05-17_secret_papers_show_how_yankees_became_ri.html

http://www.ballparksofbaseball.com/past/YankeeStadium.htm
http://www.ballparks.com/baseball/american/nyybpk.htm
http://www.cnbc.com/id/38046122/S_P_Document_Gives_Rare_Look_at_NY_Yankees_Finances
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/06/sports/baseball/06vecsey.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=derek%20jeter&st=cse

http://www.ww.irinnews.org/Report.aspx?ReportID=90543
http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats
http://www.worldhunger.org/global.htm
http://www2.tbo.com/content/2009/jul/15/derek-jeters-mansion-will-easily-be-tampas-biggest/news-metro/
Image: Photo: Andre Carueira/IRIN

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Bottoms up or the rest in your hair! *

Because I'm a curious Blaiser, I periodically check some stats on who's visiting my micron-sized parcel of the digisphere, and it's often a lovely source of wonder. I'm generally against App-dom, in life and letters; however, here's one I'd go for: an algorithm that traces the discrete clicks that bring a netizen to a particular destination. I'm sure several "intelligence gathering" agencies already know how to do this, and to them, I say I have absolutely no idea who broke into my place and "pointed" my browser at the giraffe porn.

But as it happens, my wack-a-doo meanderings get hits from places I would not guess: Celje, Slovenia; Mandaluyong in the Philippines; Ghaziabad, India--all in the last few months. Some of these folks are even hanging around long enough to read a few posts. (Or, the cat was walking over the keyboard while its owner was taking a chai break. Either way, I'm good with it.)

Knowing a little about my visitor demographic also appeals to my sense of hospitality. If, for example, someone from Aakirkeby, Denmark, happened to chance by on November 30--hypothetically--I wish I could have offered them some tea, or fresh herring, or whatever it is that one might snack upon, if one lives in the third-largest town on the island of Bornholm in the Baltic Sea.




Islands fascinate me. They're geographical metaphors for this finite existence we all share. (Unless you think your cosmic dust will retain a soul even after the planet is cooked by our dying sun, and our atoms eventually form a ring around Mars for a few million years or so. Of course, if Earth's no longer around to move, thusly creating a measuring stick by which humans process the idea of time, a year won't have much meaning, particularly if there's no one around to "mean" it... but I digress.)

In other words, there's only so many places you can go on an island. And with a population most recently pegged at 2,090, it's probably especially challenging for the Aakirkebian teenager to find a date for the prøm.

Anyhoo, to show my random gratitude for the random visit from Aakirkeby on November 30, I thought I'd share some interesting facts and figures about this floating vacuole of spunky Danes.

Depending on whom you believe, the island's name can be traced to the Old Norse borg bjarg, which appears to mean something like "big rock in the sea," but that doesn't do justice to Bornholm's history. Industrious BlaiserBlog readers should now insert your Babel fishes, and find the Old Norse for "big rock in the sea that was fought over by the Swedes and the Danes in Lord-of-the-Rings epic fashion for 500 years"; "big rock in the sea whose total power needs were once provided by Sweden, via one of the longest AC extension chords on the planet"; and "big rock in the sea that unfortunately had the crap bombed out of it by the Soviets at the close of the Second World War, ostensibly because the German occupiers wanted to surrender to anyone but a bunch of vodka-soaked Stalinists."

But forget Old Norse, for Bornholmians speak their own damn language (of course they do!),  Bornholmsk, which retains some grammatical features of Norweigan and Icelandic, most notably three genders: masculine, feminine, and muppetine.


And there's something about their flag that says "All Christmas, all the time!" but I just can't put my finger on it...:


I hope I get to go there one day. Who wouldn't want to visit ‘The Mediterranean in Scandinavia’, ‘Nightingale Island’, ‘Denmark’s Sunrise Island’ and ‘The Pearl of the Baltic Sea’. It would be fun. And who knows: The cosmos being what it is, there's a fair chance I'd bump into my reader--or his cat--at a Bornholmian Støp and Shøp.








Thanks for reading, and don't forget an analogy I intone to myself, at least twice a day: Wikipedia is to accuracte reference material as Joba Chamberlain is to reliable middle relief... 

* Bunden i vejret eller resten i håret, tout le monde!

Images courtesy of Al Gore, who invented the Internet...

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Oh the Gaul of it All...

You know one thing that makes life fun? Sleds. It's not snowing yet, but thankfully we also have periodic comic jolts during the non-snowy months, surges of inanity that make us chuckle and alleviate a persistent existential angst-y feeling that tells us nothing more will surprise us.* We are invariably wrong, and sometimes gleefully so. Just ask this guy:



That's the face of a guy with a bunch of Picassos nobody knew about. Ha! Take that, Art World. It's the Holy Grail all over again ('ees already got on, you see!! It's a very niiiice one, too!!). Pierre Le Guennec, my retired French electrician brother, already got 271 of 'em, actually. The great master gave him a box of them, he says, after what must have been the best installation of some switches, ever, in a handful of Riviera maisons.

Not to be out-Frenched by a Frenchman, the French are not amused, and have, in fact, accused Monsieur Le Guennac of being too French, promptly impounding the artworks and launching an inquiry. This, after the upturned nose of Picasso heir and estate administrator Claude Ruiz-Picasso smelled something afoul.


I suspect what was really bothering him was his amateur Frenchness, and/or growing up in arguably the largest artistic shadow of the 20th Century. I mean how much attention is Dad going to give your homemade Pinewood Derby voiture if he's busy sculpting this?



But back to Monsieur Le Guennac and his femme, Danielle, who appears none too happy, herself.
 
 
Now, their $60 million garaged nest egg has been scrambled by an establishment that refuses to believe a couple of pensioners could possibly have come by these artworks in the manner they say they did--that the artist gave it to them.
 
Perhaps it was payment. Perhaps Pablo didn't have time to go to L'Ah-Tay-Em, that afternoon. Perhaps he was not exactly in his right mind--it was the 70's afterall and so few people were. Whatever the reason, Baby Claude and his elitist brethren are attempting to right the horrid wrong of the working homme possessing more of the pie than is seemly. “I leave it to the justice system to shed light on the matter. We ourselves are certainly not acting for our own profit. We’re not in need,” said Claude... What dude needs apparently, is a sense of humor. He could have just said "Thanks! Hey thanks for coming forward and showing me a major pile of my Dad's work that we didn't know about---that's really cool, actually. A lot of people are going to appreciate this. Let's figure something out that compensates you and your wife for your stewardship, and also exhibits these newfound treasures as soon as possible. Want some coffee?"
 
 
 
Ah. if only he were wholly French, he'd appreciate the irony, put on a black silk shirt and light up a Gauloise while he moved on in life... 
 
Thanks for reading, and please remember that even if the emperor wears no clothes, and you decide to disrobe, too, then you're pretty much naked and they'll just fine you for indecent exposure. Blaiser sez: Keep your black silk shirt handy at all times.
 
* Do feel free to nominate this to the Pro-Am Blogger Association for their 2010 "Worst.Sentence.Ever" award.

Pierre Le Guennec images: (AP Photo/Lionel Cironneau)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

In Praise of One Morning...

Today's day of Thanks is brought to you by the Chilean miners who made it; the New Zealand miners who, sadly, didn't; Liberals who hunt; Conservative union members, and sometimes, Y.

This morning, I spent two hours walking the Pennsylvanian woods in search of its state bird, good ol' Bonasa umbellus:






As luck would have it, the season's first snow was in progress, sifting down a powder layer in the wet woods. Only two minutes out of the house, amongst chest-high goldenrod, I was treated to perhaps the finest Thanksgiving morning flush in memory. I missed the bird of course, well behind him, but the poetry of the snow-globe moment, and his russet wings against a gray sky... wish you could have been there to see it. Perhaps you'd like to hear what a grouse flush sounds like...

Grouse do the 50-yard dash of the wing-shooting world. They love heavy, dense cover, and either flush wild before you can even see them, or wait until you're about to step on them, and explode out of the brush, sending your pulse skyward and forcing an instinctual shot. Nothing quite like it, and one gets a lovely aerobic workout combing the woods in search of them. 

I also saw quite a lot of deer print, and buck scratches. For the uninitiated, they look like this:

  As luck would have it, I ran into another hunter skulking around a hillside, and promptly turned in the other direction. It's getting harder and harder to hunt the circuit without running into "Buddy" as we like to call the other guy. Nearly all hunting "isms" can be traced to Maestro Arturo, my woodland mentor who last appeared in these pages here. Also, when I stopped to eat an apple, what looked like a Golden Lab streaked by me, about 75 yards down the hill. Weird. Later, I had to turn away again, when I crossed what looked like its owner's tracks. Further evidence to really watch one's step in the woods. Which I'm thankful I can do.

That's all for now, kidlets. Do something you love today, with people you love. It's like that on a November Thursday, and other days, too.


Thanks for reading, too, and please remember to leave the Safety on until you're sure you have a clear, safe shot.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Contracting the Squash...

A mea culpa from the auteur: I inadvertantly Published a draft of this post yesterday evening, thanks to underwhelming Blogger protocols and my touchy chicklet keyboard. I hurriedly took it down and pasted a new draft so I could finish my Monday effort. But I just heard it through the blogvine (thanks DaisyFae!) that die-hard Blaiserblogarians apparently automatically get a new post seared into their readers like some kind of digital branding iron... And like an errant curve ball from a Minor League prospect, my crappy first draft is apparently unretrievable. So there ya go. At any rate, please find the finished product below. Anyone got the 800 number for WordPress...?


You know what sucks about pumpkins? They won't announce they're rotten until you go to lift that small one placed upon your stereo for decoration, and its stem comes off in your hand, and just that little jolt opens up a slit in its liquified interior, and rancid pumpkin juices run down your stereo. Don't deny this has happened to you.

It's Autumn for the love of Mike. You placed the pumpkin there because it made the place more Fall-like. It was not only a good idea at the time, it was a damn fine idea. Trouble is, there's no expiration date for squash. And the deceitful pumpkin... vessel of pulp and wet seed and that which Linus made holy with his worship... well let's just say that it's not your friend. No, not at all your friend.



But it never lets you see it sweat... it's downright regal, the pumpkin, until it's a corpse and then it's too late. This is a metaphor for something, and if you'll bear with me, maybe I can get to it.

When Martha Graham was 95 and still clinging to life as the artistic director of her eponymous dance company, they'd carry her out on stage in a chair so that she could take her curtain call -- mummified though she already was, sporting a deathmask right out of Terry Gilliam's Brazil, scaring the hell out of the union stagehands, who don't spook easy. Then one day, they picked her up and the juices just ran right out of her, and that was that. Never saw her sweat until the bitter end. Just like a pumpkin. *



Random joy for your Tuesday mid-morning: instead of that fourth cup of coffee: Ben Folds' cover of "In Between Days." I've created a "meme" for your edification. Press play on the embedded clip below, and then follow the instructions on scrolling down. I know, I know, it's more work than you want to do. It's worth it. Quit whinging and hit Play already.




First 36 bars:



 

next 32 bars:




short 16 bars:




last 32 bars of Intro:





First Verse 32 Bars:



Go On, Go On, Just Walk Away:



Short 16 bars: (And I know it was wrong..)




Before Second Verse:




Second Verse 32 Bars:



Next 32 Bars (Come Back, Come Back...:)



 

Short 16 Bars:





Without You 32 bars:




Big Choral Finish! 32 bars




Without You: (scroll down at your leisure)






Thanks again for listening and reading. And please remember: Just because Steve Jobs is slaving away on the new Maximum Aphrodisiac App for the iPad, it doesn't make your jeans fit any better.


* I have the highest regard possible for Ms. Graham, her singular impact on American art, and the subsequent army of modern dance choreographers that enabled me to get paid to see Europe. I have fictionalized her death in the service of Zany Optimism and mean no dissrespect. You can find the real deal, by a real writer, here.