Bank Shoppe

In which not even the most respected bank in the United States is immune to lemming-like behavior.

Customer: Good Morning.

Bonds: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the Goldman Sachs Penn Station West Branch, Upper Level!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Bonds: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting at Tracks just now, on the Lower Level, skimming through "End the Fed" by Ron Paul, and it suddenly hit me that my entire financial planning regimen had come over all destitute.

Bonds: Destitute, sir?

Customer: Impoverished.

Bonds: Eh?

Customer: Ahhh, I'm loosing me scratch!!!

Bonds: Ah, your portfolio has tanked!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "A little visit to my banker will do the trick," so, I curtailed my a-Pauling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the maximization of some legal tender!

Bonds: Come again?

Customer: I want like to make an investment.

Bonds: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player! *

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

Bonds: Sorry?

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

Bonds: So he can go on playing, can he?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some financial products please, my good man.

Bonds: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Customer: Well, eh, how about a little Bank Loan?

Bonds: I'm a-fraid we're fresh out of Bank Loans, sir.

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Debt Financing?

Bonds: I'm afraid we never do that at the end of the week, sir, we do it straightaway on Monday.

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Prime Brokerage, if you please.

Bonds: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Urban Investments?

Bonds: Sorry, sir.

Customer: Fixed-Income Securities?

Bonds: Normally, sir, yes. Today our Fixed-Income man is on holiday**.

Customer: Ah. Asset Management?

Bonds: Sorry.

Customer: Private Equity? Clearing Services?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Any Closed-Ended Investments, per chance?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Private Wealth Management?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Execution Services?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Transition Services?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Hedge funds?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Money Markets?

Bonds: (pause) No.

Customer: Futures?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Commodities

Bonds: No.

Customer: Pensions, Mortgages, Small-Cap, Mid-Cap, No-Load, High-Yield, Venture Captial, Public Trades, Illiquid Assets?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Securitised Derivitives, perhaps?

Bonds: Ah! We have Securitised Derivitives, yessir.

Customer: (surprised) You do! Excellent.

Bonds: Yessir. It's..ah,.....they're a bit unstable...

Customer: Oh, I like them unstable.

Bonds: Well,.. They're very unstable, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the instruments that make possible public and private distribution of structured finance Mmmwah!

Bonds: I...think they're a bit more unstable than you'll like, sir.

Customer: I don't care how $&#*ing unstable they are. Hand them over with all speed.

Bonds: Oooooooooohhh........!

Customer: What now?

Bonds: We don't offer them in the U.S., sir.***

Customer: (pause) Don't you?

Bonds: No, sir. Sorry.

(pause)

Customer: Risk-Weighted Assets?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Mergers ?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Acquisitions?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Hostile Takeovers?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Reference Securities?

Bonds: No, sir.

Customer: You...do have some financial products, don't you?

Bonds: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a bank shoppe, sir. We've got--

Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Bonds: Fair enough.

Customer: Uuuuuh, Bonds?

Bonds: Yes?

Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of those!

Bonds: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Bonds, that's my name.

Customer: Equity Capital Markets?

Bonds: Uh, not as such.

Customer: Uuh, Exchange Traded Warrants?

Bonds: no

Customer: Treasury Bills,

Bonds: no

Customer: Convertible Arbitrage,

Bonds: no

Customer: Synthetic Capital Gains,

Bonds: no

Customer: Hybrid Securities,

Bonds: no

Customer: Environmental Markets,

Bonds: no

Customer: Venezuelan Oil Speculation?

Bonds: Not today, sir, no.

(pause)

Customer: Aah, how about Currency?

Bonds: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

Customer: Not much call!--It's the single most popular form of money in the world!

Bonds: Not 'round here, sir.

Customer: {pause}and what IS the most popular form of money 'round hyah?

Bonds: Collaterized Debt Obligation, sir.

Customer: IS it.

Bonds: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.

Customer: Is it.

Bonds: It's our number one best seller, sir!

Customer: I see. Uuh...Collaterized Debt Obligation, eh?

Bonds: Right, sir.

Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

Bonds: I'll have a look, sir... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Customer: It's not much of a bank shoppe, is it?

Bonds: Finest in the district!

Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Bonds: Well, it's so clean, sir!

Customer: It's certainly unemcumbered by legitimate investment opportunity....

Bonds: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Credit Default Swaps, sir.

Customer: Would it be worth it?

Wenslydale: Could be....

Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!

Bonds: Told you sir....

Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Credit Default Swaps?

Bonds: No.

Customer: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me

Bonds: Yessir?

Customer: Have you in fact got any financial products here at all?

Bonds: Yes,sir.

Customer: Really?

(pause) Bonds: No. Not really, sir.

Customer: You haven't.

Bonds: Nosir. It's all smoke and mirrors. I was deliberately stealing your trust and goodwill, sir.

Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Bonds: Right-0, sir.

The customer takes out a gun and shoots the banker. †


Customer: What a senseless waste of human life.

* this image is what came up when I Googled "Lloyd Blankfein bazouki." Everyone please remember to Thank Al Gore for the Internet, on your way out...

**  in fairness, Lloyd is not personally named in the fraud suit the Securities & Exchange Commission has brought against Goldman Sachs. That said, he has been spending some time "out of the office" this week...

*** this is true. In fact, most of the mumbo-jumbo financial terms I cribbed straight from Goldman Sachs.

† For the record, no one here at BlaiserBlog advocates the actual shooting of bankers. Metaphorically, however, is up for discussion.

Thanks for reading, and please remember that just because the most easiest way to parody your name is "Blankchek" doesn't mean that you haven't been worth

$1.15 EVERY SECOND FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS...

POOR FELLA!

Why I Don't Root For Godzilla

Dateline, The nearest Red Sox bar I could find, The Hairy Monk, one of the few good reasons to go to the East Side. And.they.still.had.the.Yankees.Opening.Ceremony.on.the.Telly.

There they were, in their nauseating glory, introduced not once, but twice..... And Matsui, in an Angel suit... I tell my Yankee-fan friends that being a Yankees fan just isn't interesting. Rooting for the Romans isn't interesting. I wonder if it sinks in at all..

Kristen Chenoweth, a trained opera singer, rocks the Stars-Go-Bang-Bang and some Navy guys fly a couple of attack fighter/bombers overhead.

Soscia and Girardi, past catchers both... classy guys. I actually respect individual Yankees, but the whole concept of "Wow.... you did such a great job as 2009 World Series MVP that we're shipping your sagging ass to California.... " (see Matsui, above) is the classless move of a corporation, not a team, that might have, you know, organs... such as A HEART!

1:10 p.m. -- Thank God they put the Dropkick Murphy's on the Juke during the commercial break.

1:11 --- Ooh. A first-pitch strike at 88 mph....... hurt me, Andy.... hurt me.

1:15 -- Abreau strikes out -- just as well. I hate that dude.

1:20 -- Matsui steps up, and some twitnozzle in the crowd holds up a sign that says, "Matsui We love you longtime" which somehow compares the former Yankee Left Fielder with a Vietnamese whore... Nice.

1:21 -- Matsui's gone. Another ex-Yankee strikes out... my feelings are conflicted

1:26 -- Nick Johnson. Yeah.... this was the kid on the school bus who you hoped wouldn't sit next to you...... homerun. I really don't like this guy.

1:29 -- Flashing back to the team introductions.... The Yankees have the gall to play Star Wars theme when the players are announced.... and we're supposed to believe that the Angels are the Empire, which makes the Yankees..... the Rebellion??? If Han Friggin' Solo wasn't a Red Sox fan, then I'll save Billy Dee the hassle and appear in the next Colt 45 ad myself.

1:40 --- You know, computer companies totally lie about battery length! Bottom of the Second. Cano is up and is already having a good season..

1:44 -- Runners at the corners, no outs, and Curtis Grand-stand-erson up.... not good.

1:49 -- Swisher Swiffs..... Strike Two was a nasty, nasty curve.

1:52 -- The kid pitches himself out of a bad situation. Props.

1:52:15 -- I celebrate the Third Strike a little too loudly, and the two Yankee goons near me at the bar are not amused....

1:57 -- Abreu up again. Hoping Andy strikes him out. Yeah.... Still 1-0 Yanks.

2:05 -- Jeter solo shot.... whatever.

2:07 -- sweet 3-6 Double Play.... and not for nothing, but what the hell does 3 and 6 have to do with it? I've never grokked that particular system. Help a brother out.

2:10 -- Now 2-0, top of the Fourth. For your entertainment, I present a used set of catcher's gear that I'm looking into...

The Tuxedo Park Terrors made their 2010 debut Sunday night at the Meadowbrook fields in South Orange, NJ, with Yours Truly behind the plate for most of the game. We won 17-9, our first victory EVER. So I'm buying some gear.

It looks like Boba Fett disintegrated the guy, late in the afternon one April day, leaving only his gear behind.... it's a catcher inorganic chalk outline...

2:14 -- Pettitte still has the stuff. Six strikeouts in 4 innings. One inning for each of the "T"s in his name. Hence, his SPT ratio is 1.5. Just sayin'

2:17 --- I'm embedded at one of the few available power points in this fine Publick House, thereby ensuring my little live-blog project will last to the end of the Alleged Home Opener.... I'm pretty sure all five of you are psyched.

2:19  -- Posado grounds out --- HAH!    U - S - A !! U - S - A !!

2:24 -- a Commenter!! Praise Jesus. One comment before the Angels have even scored, however. I'm not sure which that bodes worse for.... my first attempt at liveblogging, or the California Angels...

2:28 -- Ugh. Bad break for the Angels with an infield single for Jeter. Bases loaded, and the schoolbus bully at the plate. I'm hiding my eyes.

2:30 -- Are you kidding me? There are empty seats at that alleged stadium. It's Opening Day, you fickle so-and-so's! Fenway's been sold out since 2003. You should send the three guys you stranded this inning into the stands to plug the gaps. If you're a member of "yankee nation," it's just $35 million well spent...

2:33 -- Yanks only scored one run in last inning's trainwreck. With just .73% more control, this kid Santana is going to be a lights-out hurler in the Bigs. Does one capitalize "Bigs"? I think I'll capitalize "Bigs" just to up my confidence level as a Rookie live-blogger.

Anyway, if Santana can't get his pitching game together, there's always the guitar... 

Ar ar ar ar ar ar ar!

2:37 -- Pettttttittttttte is at 80-some pitches... Time for him to make a mistake.

2:39 -- oh crap. But not with Abreu. I hate Abreu. AAAAAAAAAAnd: He pops out. The Gunkie.

3:36 -- egads!!!! YANKEE PUBLICK RELATIONS OFFICE BLOCKS BLAISERBLOG WIRELESS ACCESS!!! I just managed to get back online. Freakish. And definitely not a coincidence

Meanwhile, both starters are replaced, the Yanks keep swingin' and Nick Swisher makes a totally unnecessary tuck-and-roll. Yankees strutting at 5-0 bottom of the 7th

I missed my 7th-inning stretch comic: here it is.

3:50 -- Blog updates greatly slowed not only to vast Yankee conspiracy, but also hot-fudge Sundae...

3:52 -- Angel offense less energized than my Old-Guy-Suburban-Softball League team... WAIT! A SOLO SHOT----from my keyboard to Chan Ho Park's weakened mind... 5-1 Yankees.

3:55 -- Posada flummoxed by extra gear in the on-deck circle. If he ever did anything but scowl, I might feel for the guy.

4:00 -- Mike Soscia has put on another five pounds since the start of this game. Apparently he was once under 200 lbs....

4:03 -- The uber-expensive seats behind home plate are as thinning as.... well they all shave their heads, don't they? This is exactly what I'm talking about. Phoning it in because they don't have to, because they have too damn much money. $*(%^@

4:09 -- Yankees 7-1. They're definitely on the ropes. If I were Soscia, now would be the correct time to release the tigers...

4:13 -- Jeter's jump-throw misses. Not anymore old man, you're in your nearly late-30s now...

4:14 -- TYING RUN AT THE PLATE!!!!

4:15 -- Um, what I actually meant to type was: Two men on, no outs. Top of the Ninth

4:17 -- Yankee "closer" gets a spanking from angry Bomber pitching staff... It's like the bad guys from The Karate Kid all over again....

4:20 -- Grand Slam. Mother Flippin' Grand Slam. And of course it would be Bobby Abreu. I don't know whether to cheer wildly, or to go out and play in traffic on Third Avenue.... 7--5 Yanks. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a Ninth Inning....

4:23 -- Enter the Sandman. This may be shorter than I'd hoped... Still, the man is mortal, and Torii is up, despite his racialist comments about Dominicans....

4:25 -- Bombers clip Angels' wings, 7--5. Thanks to CAL (my one commenter), The Hairy Monk for their fine AC outlet and neighbor-with-free-Internet and the Boddington's Beer Company. Insert any number of Crash Davis quotes here...

Thanks for reading. And always try to remember that just because you can button your shirt in front of a bunch of reporters, it doesn't mean that you have a quantifiable soul that might actually ascend to something when Jonathan Papelbon sends you to your maker, sometime in late October, 2010.

We Heart The World

OR, Thank G-d for Steve Jobs and Al Gore, without whom most Americans' lives would really suffer.

Re: iPad tops 300,000 on its first day of sales

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we humans can better share this planet. (Phew! There's some light dinner conversation!) One critical step forward lies in the direction of convincing our neighbors to stop blowing themselves up, because it's really getting in the way of all that "nation building" President George W. Bush et al set out to do in Iraq, and all that "Taliban Cleansing" President Obama has bolstered in Afghanistan. Thank G-d at least the Afghan president, Hamid Karzai, is onboard with that one!

Now, as a Luddite, I don't know what an iPad is, nor why it should be so auspiciously named--but just as sure as shootin' I think the obvious solution to all the people-blowing-themselves-up issue in the Middle East is--Wait For It--technology. After all, it ended World War II.
Didn't it?

But in the 21st Century, we don't incinerate civilians anymore with
B-29s and aircrews. Instead, it's a guy in fatigues at a console in Langley Nevada, playing what has to be the world's most awesomest video game. (For maximum verisimilitude, why not go with khaki fatigues to match the desert terrain?)

But I'm not here to talk about us trying to get people to stop blowing themselves up by blowing them up ourselves.... No, I'm here to talk about technology--

Steve, Al, send the next 300,000 iPads to Baghdad. Actually, send 150,000 to Baghdad, and the other 150,000 to Kandahar, where Coalition Forces are apparently locking and loading for a major June offensive. There's not a single doubt in my mind that Apple's new iPad "device"--like a nuke, except it creates instead of destroys--coupled with Internet Technology Made Available by Al Gore--is going to clear up a lot of misunderstandings Over There, and prevent a lot of needless killing, just like today's modern conveniences make multitasking easy
in all areas of the home.

To illustrate how we're really more alike than we think, I've devised a BlaiserBlog "meme" that reinforces what I've always suspected--that the Truth is but a few keystrokes away. (Think of it as another small stone in my masonry effort to build a wall in the 21st century)

To wit: I will take a randomly selected paragraph from the BlaiserBlog archives and successively convert it into several Major World Languages--via an Internet-obtained translator that is no doubt standard on an iPad, along with its airbag-equipped phallus stylus and Etch-O-Sketch erasibility--and then back to English, thereby proving that deep down, not only are we all of the same tongue, but also that an iPad will bring peace and prosperity to any region fortunate enough to have access to the best that life has to offer, like we here in the West enjoy.

Original Text, from There's Only One Smoking Gun?

Change does not usually come swiftly to the opera house, until it does. For the stagehands, one classic manifestation is that whenever a particular production is first mounted, whatever technology they used at the time is forever bonded to that production no matter how often it's revived. In other words, one night you're struggling with an electrics prop or a chandlier that up close looks like Dr. Frankenstein got medieval with some sheet metal and a spot welder--for a 1985 Zeffirelli production of Tosca--and the next, you're programming robotic lights for a very modrene re-design of 2005's Madama Butterfly. Old shows chug along until a General Manager or a Board smites it with the Divine Hand of Upper Management and commissions a completely new design.

For your convenience, please enjoy an old-school mashup in its own right, "We Are The World," a record from the mid-80s, in which we learned that even Huey Lewis cared enough to send the very best. *


To follow along at home, scroll down the paragraphs at evenly spaced times of the soloists' performances, every five singers. i.e., scroll to Hindi with James Ingram, to Yiddish with Dionne Warwick, to Icelandic with Steve Perry, and back to English with Bob Dylan. Go ahead and hit Play, and I'll get to work translating.

James Ingram (that someone, somewhere...)

आमतौर पर बदलने के ओपेरा हाउस के लिए तेजी से नहीं आती है, जब तक यह नहीं करता है. stagehands के लिए, एक क्लासिक अभिव्यक्ति है कि जब भी एक विशेष मुहिम शुरू की है पहली उत्पादन, प्रौद्योगिकी वे समय पर इस्तेमाल किया जो हमेशा के लिए बंधुआ है कि उत्पादन करने के लिए कोई बात नहीं कितनी बार इसे पुनर्जीवित किया है. दूसरे शब्दों में, एक रात आप एक electrics सहारा या एक chandlier कि करीब अप डा. फ्रेंकस्टीन की तरह दिखता है कुछ शीट धातु के साथ मध्ययुगीन गया और एक स्थान वेल्डर - एक 1985 Tosca Zeffirelli के उत्पादन के लिए है - और अगले के साथ संघर्ष कर रहे हैं, आप 2005 की Madama तितली का एक बहुत ही modrene फिर से डिजाइन के लिए रोबोट रोशनी प्रोग्रामिंग कर रहे हैं. पुराने शो एक जनरल मैनेजर या एक बोर्ड के साथ इजाफा होगा जब तक यह ऊपरी प्रबंधन और आयोगों की एक पूरी तरह से नए डिजाइन के हाथ से देवी smites.

Dionne Warwick ( So, send 'em your hearts.....)

 

אָפּערע הויז צו ענדערן יוזשאַוואַלי טוט ניט קומען פעסט, ווי לאַנג ווי עס קען ניט סטיידזשכאַנדז, אַ קלאַסיש אויסדרוק אַז ווען מאָונטעד דער ערשטער פּראָדוקציע פון אַ באַזונדער טעכנאָלאָגיע געניצט אין די צייַט וואָס איז אויף אייביק באַנדיד צו פּראָדוצירן קיין ענין ווי פילע מאָל עס איז לעצטנס. אין אנדערע ווערטער, אַ נאַכט אָדער אַ ריזאָרט טשאַנדליער ילעקטריקס איר נאָענט אַרויף וואָס קוקט ווי ד"ר פראַנקענסטעין זענען מידיוואַל מיט עטלעכע בויגן מעטאַל וועלדער און אַ פּלאַץ - אַ 1985 טאָסקאַ זעפפירעללי ס פּראָדוקציע - און סטראַגאַלינג מיט די קומענדיק ביסט דו אַ זייער מאָדרענע 2005 מאַדאַמאַ באַטערפליי שייַעך-פּלאַן פון די לייץ זענען פּראָגראַממינג די ראָבאָט. אַלטע ווייזט וועט זייַן ענכאַנסט מיט אַ גענעראַל פאַרוואַלטער אָדער אַ ברעט ביז עס ס אויבערשטער פאַרוואַלטונג און אַ גאָר נייַע פּלאַן קאַמישאַנז פון די דיווינע האנט סמיטעס.

Steve Perry  (There's a choice we're makin'...)

Opera hús til að breyta yfirleitt ekki koma hratt, svo framarlega sem það gerir það ekki. Stagehands, klassísk tjáningu að þegar reimt fyrstu framleiðslu tiltekins tækni og notuð er í tíma sem er að eilífu tengt til að framleiða sama hversu oft hún hefur að undanförnu. Með öðrum orðum, eina nótt eða Úrræði Chandley Electrics þú lokar allt sem lítur eins og Dr Frankenstein eru Medieval með nokkrum málmur lak skóginum og mikið - framleiðslu 1985 Tosca Zeffirelli's - og barátta við framtíðina ertu mjög nútímalegum 2005 Maddamma Butterfly aftur - hönnun ljósin fóru Forritun vélmenni. eldri athugasemdum verður endurbætt með almennur framkvæmdastjóri eða stjórnarmaður til þess 'efri stjórnun og a fullkomlega nýr Umboð hönnun guðlega smites hönd.


Robert Zimmerman -- bring it on home! (there's a choice we're makin'....)

Opera house to change usually does not come quickly, as long as it does not. Stage Hands, a classic expression of the Haunted when the first production of a particular technology used in the time that is forever linked to produce no matter how often it has recently. In other words, one night or Resort Chandley Electric closing up that looks like Dr. Frankenstein is Medieval some metal sheet wood and hard - production 1985 Tosca Zeffirelli's - and struggling with the future are very modern in 2005 Maddamma Butterfly again - design lights went Programming robot. old notes will be amended by general manager or board member to it's upper management and a completely new designs divine mandate smites hand.

See? Now why can't we all get along?

Thanks for reading, and always try to remember: 1. That it's nearly impossible to think of starving Ethiopians without thinking of John Oates, and also that 2. Thanks to U.S. war planning, everyone involved in this "scheduled" major offensive in Kandahar can book their Labor Day weekend places in impunity, for hostilities will surely be wrapped up by September 1--even earlier if we get those friggin' iPads over there. Who's with me?

* Truthfully, Huey Lewis appears to be a really cool. He crossed the street in New York opposite to my son once, and apparently stopped and talked to him and was just a super guy. I just used him as a joke because he only got one line in the song. And you know what? He really did sell it.

Blaiser's Top Ten List of Things That Didn't Happen on April First, But Should Have...

Or, Meh...

Last year, at this time, I was more ambitious. This year, bloated on Easter candy, my sense of humor gasping for water like a bass flip-flopping on the dike of a pond, I've scaled back production on the April Fool's essay. Instead of presenting some of the Greatest April Fool's Hoaxes Ever, I instead go meh-ta*, and have collated a list of missed opportunities.

It's my hope you'll enjoy them:

Number Ten:

Keanu Reeves starring in any period piece is simply Much Ado About Nothing... 1993

Number 9:

George W. Bush backup singer and BFF Harriet Miers' nomination to the U.S. Supreme Court. (Oct. 3, 2005)

Number 8

Not one, but two future U.S. Governors appearing as paumped-up gladiators in The Running Man and giving eerie foresight of their uncompromising leadership acumen... 1987

Number 7

Nearly any opening of a Robert Ryman show in the last 20 years.

Number 6

The debut of the Segway + Forward-Thinking Law Enforcement = Crazy Delicious!
Debut of the Segway=Early 2002. Atlanta PD procurement of Segway=Early 2002 + five minutes.

Number 5

Any morning in which these guys collectively thought it was a good idea to leave the house.

Hipster Calendar 1/1--3/31 and 4/2--12-31

Number 4

First meeting of the exploratory committee for Curt Schilling's Senate run (2008).

Ann Coulter was turned on. Jesus was less committed, however, than he was to the 2004 Red Sox...

Number 3

The cancellation of Susan Powter,** whose television show was American culture's de facto last line of defense against "The Insanity." 1995

Number 2

Aaron Boone's shot (10/16/03), when he channeled...

 Bucky Freaking Dent (10/2/78), who was channeling...

 Chris Chambliss. (10/14/76)

And The Number 1 Thing That Shoulda Happened on April First?

If they weren't so darned serious, it wouldn't have been nearly such a great idea!

(see Hipster Calendar, above)

Thanks for reading. And always remember that just because you can put a frog in a blender, it may not, in fact, turn out at all well...

* Meh-ta  is when something references itself in a completely unispired fashion... For the moment, I'm taking coinage honors on this one. See also, Most Blogs.

** Anybody see Susan and Sinead in the same room lately? Just sayin'.