We Heart The World

OR, Thank G-d for Steve Jobs and Al Gore, without whom most Americans' lives would really suffer.

Re: iPad tops 300,000 on its first day of sales

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we humans can better share this planet. (Phew! There's some light dinner conversation!) One critical step forward lies in the direction of convincing our neighbors to stop blowing themselves up, because it's really getting in the way of all that "nation building" President George W. Bush et al set out to do in Iraq, and all that "Taliban Cleansing" President Obama has bolstered in Afghanistan. Thank G-d at least the Afghan president, Hamid Karzai, is onboard with that one!

Now, as a Luddite, I don't know what an iPad is, nor why it should be so auspiciously named--but just as sure as shootin' I think the obvious solution to all the people-blowing-themselves-up issue in the Middle East is--Wait For It--technology. After all, it ended World War II.
Didn't it?

But in the 21st Century, we don't incinerate civilians anymore with
B-29s and aircrews. Instead, it's a guy in fatigues at a console in Langley Nevada, playing what has to be the world's most awesomest video game. (For maximum verisimilitude, why not go with khaki fatigues to match the desert terrain?)

But I'm not here to talk about us trying to get people to stop blowing themselves up by blowing them up ourselves.... No, I'm here to talk about technology--

Steve, Al, send the next 300,000 iPads to Baghdad. Actually, send 150,000 to Baghdad, and the other 150,000 to Kandahar, where Coalition Forces are apparently locking and loading for a major June offensive. There's not a single doubt in my mind that Apple's new iPad "device"--like a nuke, except it creates instead of destroys--coupled with Internet Technology Made Available by Al Gore--is going to clear up a lot of misunderstandings Over There, and prevent a lot of needless killing, just like today's modern conveniences make multitasking easy
in all areas of the home.

To illustrate how we're really more alike than we think, I've devised a BlaiserBlog "meme" that reinforces what I've always suspected--that the Truth is but a few keystrokes away. (Think of it as another small stone in my masonry effort to build a wall in the 21st century)

To wit: I will take a randomly selected paragraph from the BlaiserBlog archives and successively convert it into several Major World Languages--via an Internet-obtained translator that is no doubt standard on an iPad, along with its airbag-equipped phallus stylus and Etch-O-Sketch erasibility--and then back to English, thereby proving that deep down, not only are we all of the same tongue, but also that an iPad will bring peace and prosperity to any region fortunate enough to have access to the best that life has to offer, like we here in the West enjoy.

Original Text, from There's Only One Smoking Gun?

Change does not usually come swiftly to the opera house, until it does. For the stagehands, one classic manifestation is that whenever a particular production is first mounted, whatever technology they used at the time is forever bonded to that production no matter how often it's revived. In other words, one night you're struggling with an electrics prop or a chandlier that up close looks like Dr. Frankenstein got medieval with some sheet metal and a spot welder--for a 1985 Zeffirelli production of Tosca--and the next, you're programming robotic lights for a very modrene re-design of 2005's Madama Butterfly. Old shows chug along until a General Manager or a Board smites it with the Divine Hand of Upper Management and commissions a completely new design.

For your convenience, please enjoy an old-school mashup in its own right, "We Are The World," a record from the mid-80s, in which we learned that even Huey Lewis cared enough to send the very best. *


To follow along at home, scroll down the paragraphs at evenly spaced times of the soloists' performances, every five singers. i.e., scroll to Hindi with James Ingram, to Yiddish with Dionne Warwick, to Icelandic with Steve Perry, and back to English with Bob Dylan. Go ahead and hit Play, and I'll get to work translating.

James Ingram (that someone, somewhere...)

आमतौर पर बदलने के ओपेरा हाउस के लिए तेजी से नहीं आती है, जब तक यह नहीं करता है. stagehands के लिए, एक क्लासिक अभिव्यक्ति है कि जब भी एक विशेष मुहिम शुरू की है पहली उत्पादन, प्रौद्योगिकी वे समय पर इस्तेमाल किया जो हमेशा के लिए बंधुआ है कि उत्पादन करने के लिए कोई बात नहीं कितनी बार इसे पुनर्जीवित किया है. दूसरे शब्दों में, एक रात आप एक electrics सहारा या एक chandlier कि करीब अप डा. फ्रेंकस्टीन की तरह दिखता है कुछ शीट धातु के साथ मध्ययुगीन गया और एक स्थान वेल्डर - एक 1985 Tosca Zeffirelli के उत्पादन के लिए है - और अगले के साथ संघर्ष कर रहे हैं, आप 2005 की Madama तितली का एक बहुत ही modrene फिर से डिजाइन के लिए रोबोट रोशनी प्रोग्रामिंग कर रहे हैं. पुराने शो एक जनरल मैनेजर या एक बोर्ड के साथ इजाफा होगा जब तक यह ऊपरी प्रबंधन और आयोगों की एक पूरी तरह से नए डिजाइन के हाथ से देवी smites.

Dionne Warwick ( So, send 'em your hearts.....)

 

אָפּערע הויז צו ענדערן יוזשאַוואַלי טוט ניט קומען פעסט, ווי לאַנג ווי עס קען ניט סטיידזשכאַנדז, אַ קלאַסיש אויסדרוק אַז ווען מאָונטעד דער ערשטער פּראָדוקציע פון אַ באַזונדער טעכנאָלאָגיע געניצט אין די צייַט וואָס איז אויף אייביק באַנדיד צו פּראָדוצירן קיין ענין ווי פילע מאָל עס איז לעצטנס. אין אנדערע ווערטער, אַ נאַכט אָדער אַ ריזאָרט טשאַנדליער ילעקטריקס איר נאָענט אַרויף וואָס קוקט ווי ד"ר פראַנקענסטעין זענען מידיוואַל מיט עטלעכע בויגן מעטאַל וועלדער און אַ פּלאַץ - אַ 1985 טאָסקאַ זעפפירעללי ס פּראָדוקציע - און סטראַגאַלינג מיט די קומענדיק ביסט דו אַ זייער מאָדרענע 2005 מאַדאַמאַ באַטערפליי שייַעך-פּלאַן פון די לייץ זענען פּראָגראַממינג די ראָבאָט. אַלטע ווייזט וועט זייַן ענכאַנסט מיט אַ גענעראַל פאַרוואַלטער אָדער אַ ברעט ביז עס ס אויבערשטער פאַרוואַלטונג און אַ גאָר נייַע פּלאַן קאַמישאַנז פון די דיווינע האנט סמיטעס.

Steve Perry  (There's a choice we're makin'...)

Opera hús til að breyta yfirleitt ekki koma hratt, svo framarlega sem það gerir það ekki. Stagehands, klassísk tjáningu að þegar reimt fyrstu framleiðslu tiltekins tækni og notuð er í tíma sem er að eilífu tengt til að framleiða sama hversu oft hún hefur að undanförnu. Með öðrum orðum, eina nótt eða Úrræði Chandley Electrics þú lokar allt sem lítur eins og Dr Frankenstein eru Medieval með nokkrum málmur lak skóginum og mikið - framleiðslu 1985 Tosca Zeffirelli's - og barátta við framtíðina ertu mjög nútímalegum 2005 Maddamma Butterfly aftur - hönnun ljósin fóru Forritun vélmenni. eldri athugasemdum verður endurbætt með almennur framkvæmdastjóri eða stjórnarmaður til þess 'efri stjórnun og a fullkomlega nýr Umboð hönnun guðlega smites hönd.


Robert Zimmerman -- bring it on home! (there's a choice we're makin'....)

Opera house to change usually does not come quickly, as long as it does not. Stage Hands, a classic expression of the Haunted when the first production of a particular technology used in the time that is forever linked to produce no matter how often it has recently. In other words, one night or Resort Chandley Electric closing up that looks like Dr. Frankenstein is Medieval some metal sheet wood and hard - production 1985 Tosca Zeffirelli's - and struggling with the future are very modern in 2005 Maddamma Butterfly again - design lights went Programming robot. old notes will be amended by general manager or board member to it's upper management and a completely new designs divine mandate smites hand.

See? Now why can't we all get along?

Thanks for reading, and always try to remember: 1. That it's nearly impossible to think of starving Ethiopians without thinking of John Oates, and also that 2. Thanks to U.S. war planning, everyone involved in this "scheduled" major offensive in Kandahar can book their Labor Day weekend places in impunity, for hostilities will surely be wrapped up by September 1--even earlier if we get those friggin' iPads over there. Who's with me?

* Truthfully, Huey Lewis appears to be a really cool. He crossed the street in New York opposite to my son once, and apparently stopped and talked to him and was just a super guy. I just used him as a joke because he only got one line in the song. And you know what? He really did sell it.